So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
