I should be sponsored by Trojan
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
