somebody snuck up and got me drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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