So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
