well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
