So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
