i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
