Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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