i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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