Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
