sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hippo gnu deer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
