Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
