I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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