dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
