Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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