I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
