y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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