yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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