you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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