you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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