i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
