it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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