You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
