i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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