He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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