I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
