I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
