So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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