Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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