I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
