I faked an abortion last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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