Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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