dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
