sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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