True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
