Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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