it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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