I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
