So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
