i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
