I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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