3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
