Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
