he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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