True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
