I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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