i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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