New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
