OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
