it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
