It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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