Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
