so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
