When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
