he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
