i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize