im having a threesome with these popsicles
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
