he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
