I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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