theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
