Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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