come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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