he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
