Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
