just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
