how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Shame is for Republicans.
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