Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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