Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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