I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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