I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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