my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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