That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
