mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
