Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
