I got chris browned last night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
